Life has been quite tricky these days. I don’t feel good and have been in terrible pain. I quit eating 15 days ago because eating causes too much pain. Instead, I’ve been drinking bone broth, which settles fine and doesn’t hurt! I’m anxiously waiting for an appointment with a gi doc to try and figure out why I can’t eat. In the meantime, my gracious God has faithfully given me new insights and a new strength!
I’m kind of an emotional eater and so the fact that I’m starving 24/7 gives me plenty of opportunity to fall on my knees and beg God for strength and will power. Let me paint you a picture of what this might look like…
I’m cooking dinner for my four children and my hard working man. I stir the pot of the buttery, fluffy quinoa, that’s been soaking up the broth juices. I then turn my attention to the herb roasted chicken in the oven. It’s looking beautiful and crispy and smelling delicious. I add a pinch of salt to the green beans that are also generously covered in butter. My stomach growls, being sure to remind me that it’s starving to death. I look down and say, “hush you! This food isn’t for you! You get that large jar over there filled with bone broth.” That’s when it happens… That’s when the crying out to Jesus starts. “God! give me strength! Turn this hunger off and trick my brain to believe this broth is a giant cheese burger filled with mushrooms, bacon, and green chili!” It has yet to happen BUT God has done something else in my life to satisfy my hunger. He’s given me a new hope and reminded me of the work being done.
A few Sunday’s ago my pastor gave a sermon about Paul and his journey to Rome. I’m not going to try and say what he said because I’ll totally butcher it and leave you all confused but it really got me thinking. Paul’s circumstances appeared pretty awful. He was arrested and constantly being denied his freedom. He traveled place to place pleading his case only to be turned down, over and over again.
I thought about Paul waiting on God. I thought about my own circumstances and my prayer to be patient and wait on God’s timing. Waiting isn’t my strength. My husband says I live my life as if it’s an emergency situation. Which is a bit dramatic but probably close to the truth. I’ve been praying and reminding myself that God is always on time and His timing is perfect.
I was feeling particularly discouraged one evening, while driving my son to basketball practice. Probably because I just passed a Whataburger and shamelessly fantasized about a monterey melt, delighting my deprived taste buds. But I digress. I was worshiping God and thanking Him for this trial and for the work I know He is doing in my life. And that’s when I started thinking about Paul again. Thinking about him waiting on God to deliver him. I thought about the people around him, who loved him, who were also waiting on God to free him.
That whole time that Paul was “waiting,” God was working. When I think of Paul waiting, I think of this stationary time. A time of nothingness, until somethingness (it’s not a word but felt right) But Paul was preaching to people he would never have the opportunity to preach to. He was sharing the gospel to people in the “security” of imprisonment. He made his way to Rome, glorifying God the whole way! There was never a time of nothingness. God was moving and shaking things. There was constant action and movement forward towards the goal!
This encourages me so much! I’m not really just waiting on God. I’ve got a front row seat to His awesome work in my life. It would be like going to a movie and during the main scene saying, “I’m just waiting for this part to end.”
God is at work! He is changing me to be more like Him. He’s working in lives around me and moving me forward towards my goal.
Thank you God for your work in my life.
P.S. I wouldn’t say no to your prayers! I’ll take prayers for healing or cheeseburgers… however you feel lead.