Whoopsie-Daisy

It’s a beautiful day outside. The weather is perfect so the kids are out back playing basketball. I LOVE the warmer weather!

I forgot though, that every spring I struggle with depression. Spring time sparks that funny ambition to clean out the house. Spring time motivates you in a fierce way to do those yard projects that have been brewing all winter. You also want to get everything done before the desert heat comes and you can only function if your half naked and eating ice chips.

So why in the world does this glorious season bring on depression??? Well, because of pesky ol’ illness. I’m slapped in the face with my limitations. My brain is never on the same page as my body. It drives me bonkers to be doing a project and then have to quit, after just a few minutes. A project that should only take me a few hours, might take me days or weeks to finish. It’s so aggravating!!!

Okay, so that’s my sob story. Now moving on to the hope….

Psalm 139:16 “Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.”

It brings me comfort knowing God has never said “whoopsie-daisy.” Nothing that I have gone through or am going through came as a shock to God. He knew what I would face and He drew out the path to get me through it. The problem is already solved. I just have to trust Him and follow His leading to get to the solution.

It’s funny how I try and take control of my life. I carry things that God never intended me to carry. I do things in my own strength or I guess I should say, I TRY to do things in my own strength. Which is just crazy talk because I say “whoopsie-daisy” all the time. I also say, “oh golly” but the old man makes fun of that one, so I try and limit it. I’d much rather my struggles be in the hands of someone who has never had to say such things! Instead, like a total weirdo, I take back control and then mess up and say, “Whoopsie-daisy! God, can you fix this?”

I’m going to try and rest in the fact that God has written out all my days. He is trustworthy and good. The beautiful weather is still enjoyable, even if I can’t do what I want to do. I need to remember to praise God for springtime to help fight the depression. So, ready, set, PRAISE…

That’s My God Ya’ll

I’m struggling to find a time to sit and write a blog. So, I decided to take pieces from my book (Aka large pamphlet) and post them for now! Hopefully soon life will slow down and I’ll write something new!

I’m one hundred percent certain that God is hilarious. I can say this with such conviction because we are created in his image and there are people out there like Kevin James, Owen Wilson, Anjelah Johnson…These are incredibly funny people. If we are created in his image and he has made these funny people then he himself, is in fact, funny. I believe God to be Almighty, All Knowing, Just, Omnipresent…But the character of God that I find the most comfort in is, God is Funny.  Humor in my life is a must. I need to know that when life is kicking me and kicking me, God is like nudging me saying, “Look, Emilee, that llama has a dumb haircut.” He knows me and knows my needs, which is precisely why he created the miniature horse. I mean, c’mon, it’s a horse only small! So funny, right?

Now, I didn’t laugh my way through years of suffering. I didn’t take every challenge through illness and just giggled right past it. I cried a lot. I begged God for mercy often. I had moments where giving up and taking my own life felt justified. I’m weak and I’m human. I know that you’re thinking, “No, Emilee, you’re so amazing. I wish I could be just like you. You’re like, the best thing ever to hit the planet.” I get it, it’s confusing but I assure you, I have had some very ugly moments. I’ve been a big baby on some days and a real monster on other days. I’m ok with admitting this and laying it all out there for you because I trust in God. I trust that God has a plan for my life. I trust that God will avenge me if I get attacked for being transparent. I’m not here to paint a pretty little lie. I’m here for the ugly truth and the funny in between. Ezekiel 25:17 says, “I will execute great vengeance on them with wrathful rebukes. Then they will know that I am the Lord, when I lay my vengeance upon them.” I just peed a little. That is some scary stuff right there. I dare you to slam me now.

When I was first diagnosed with Lyme disease (Please note there is no ‘s’ on the end of Lyme) I freaked out a little but was also relieved. I finally had a real diagnosis. I could finally tell people what was happening to me. I could finally mentally slap all the doubters in the face. It was the best worst news ever. I immediately found a Lyme literate doctor and started my journey towards health, or at least the closest thing to it. I felt incredibly blessed that God had put certain people in my path. I was fortunate to have a husband fighting for me. He never questioned whether I might just be depressed. He never gave up on me. He fought for me when I had no fight. The day he said “I Do” was the best day of my life. While my parents were down front looking at Phillip saying, “Sucker! Good luck with that,” I was saying, “Thank you God for such a treasure.” I could go on and on about him but I’ll save that for later. I’m focusing on God right now, geez, stay focused.

God is my whole life. I would have died without him. I would have given up and quit. I trusted he would get me through any pain or suffering I felt that day. It’s actually a miracle that I was aware of God through all the kicking and screaming but I was. I knew, without a doubt, God would come through. He would give the strength I needed, when I needed it. Most often it was through laughter. He would show me something funny and we would laugh together and then move on together. When I say we would laugh together, I don’t mean I would hear an audible laugh from God. I mean I would laugh and just know God was laughing with me. Golly, I’m not crazy. Although, if you hear God audibly I don’t mean to judge, that’s cool. You might think about getting it checked still, but seriously, still cool.

Through the years there have been many dark days. The Lyme disease has caused my body to be in horrific pain. My whole body hurts all the way to the bone. Pain is a prison. You are stuck there and it keeps you in bed and isolated from the world. In these moments it was crucial that God provide. I was incredibly lonely. I hated being in bed away from my family and friends.

I love people. I am what they call a social butterfly. So, to be cooped up in a room was miserable for me. It seemed that every time it got just a little too hard or lonely I would get some stupid text from my BFF. God would use her to take the focus off my pain and circumstances. He would provide a situation for me to laugh or roll my eyes at her bizarreness. God used my best friend often to bring me “back to life.”

Life with Lyme, without God, seems impossible. My heart breaks knowing people are suffering from a chronic illness or a disease without knowing the love of the Lord. They go through this giant battle without seeing the hope that God can provide. This is tragic and just not ok.

The Bible says, “And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.” James 5:15. God would raise me up constantly, daily, hourly… What a gift I was given through such a hard time. God is the answer people, so quit being stubborn and give your life to him. I demand you believe in God!

I totally nailed that speech! I’m sure thousands just gave their lives to Jesus. Gold crown in heaven, check!