How Romantic

Genesis 2:18-20 “And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.”

There are so much to these verses that I love. It blows my mind that Adam had this perfect union with God and yet God still didn’t want Adam to feel lonely! Was that even possible? Obviously yes, but still mind blowing.

God brings Adam all the animals to name and go through. God of course knew none of them would be comparable to Adam so it makes me wonder what this time was used for. Was it for Adam to grow a deep desire for a mate and sexual partner? Did he go through the animals and think, “Awe, that frog has a little frog buddy. Oh and that lion has that beautiful lioness!” Going through each animal one by one, did he grow to be lonely? Did the desire for sexual intimacy develop during this time?

Genesis 2:21-25 “And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

Adam had gone through all the animals and found none to be comparable to him. He needed a helper and our gracious Father made him one! How Romantic! I interpret Adam’s response in scripture as, “Dang girl, you’s fine!!!” And then maybe music, sounding very similar to Marvin Gaye’s Lets get it on, played throughout the sky and it was good.

I’m so grateful God created marriage. I can’t imagine doing life without my husband. He’s the closest picture of Christ I think I’ll ever see. He leads this family with integrity and love. And, I’m not gonna lie, when he comes out of the shower, in all his glory, I too have said, “Dang boy, you’s fine!!!”

Christmas Tradition is Getting Tricky

In 2013 I decided it would be fun to take a silly Christmas picture. I came up with a pose and forced the children and husband to participate. It only took 438 takes but in the end I was pretty happy with it. The picture was loved by all and that’s how the tradition got started.

2014… You wouldn’t know it, but flooding your kitchen with bubbles isn’t easy. Also not easy, finding my fourth child in this picture.

2015… Tragically I had my date set wrong on my camera, so ignore that little detail. Oh and a little advice to anyone wanting to duct tape their faces… it hurts to remove but great for unwanted hair!

2016… I totally nailed making a fake, lower half Santa! Look at the perfectly bent knee! Can I also get a high five for fixing the date on my camera?

2017… Don’t worry, the mess was worth the picture. I added a bonus picture because the kids look so cute and delicious! Looking back at all these pictures I’m starting to realize my husband deserves an award for being such a good sport.

2018… This one is my favorite. It was alot of work and preparation but it’s just so fun! I love a good dinner party. Oh and once again, finding four children in this picture is a tiny challenging. Bummer!

Now here we are , 2019. I was feeling nostalgic this year. Seriously though, my brown dog is so hilarious in this picture. His name is Archibald, so his name is as sophisticated as his pose. My other dog, Stewart, just looks terrified. I had so much fun making my daughters hair, Texas big.

And now you see why my Christmas tradition has gotten tricky. Coming up with new ideas is a challenge but it sure is fun to look back at our insanity. I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas season. God is mighty and merciful. God Bless!

Not Really Waiting On God

Life has been quite tricky these days. I don’t feel good and have been in terrible pain. I quit eating 15 days ago because eating causes too much pain. Instead, I’ve been drinking bone broth, which settles fine and doesn’t hurt! I’m anxiously waiting for an appointment with a gi doc to try and figure out why I can’t eat. In the meantime, my gracious God has faithfully given me new insights and a new strength!

I’m kind of an emotional eater and so the fact that I’m starving 24/7 gives me plenty of opportunity to fall on my knees and beg God for strength and will power. Let me paint you a picture of what this might look like…

I’m cooking dinner for my four children and my hard working man. I stir the pot of the buttery, fluffy quinoa, that’s been soaking up the broth juices. I then turn my attention to the herb roasted chicken in the oven. It’s looking beautiful and crispy and smelling delicious. I add a pinch of salt to the green beans that are also generously covered in butter. My stomach growls, being sure to remind me that it’s starving to death. I look down and say, “hush you! This food isn’t for you! You get that large jar over there filled with bone broth.” That’s when it happens… That’s when the crying out to Jesus starts. “God! give me strength! Turn this hunger off and trick my brain to believe this broth is a giant cheese burger filled with mushrooms, bacon, and green chili!” It has yet to happen BUT God has done something else in my life to satisfy my hunger. He’s given me a new hope and reminded me of the work being done.

A few Sunday’s ago my pastor gave a sermon about Paul and his journey to Rome. I’m not going to try and say what he said because I’ll totally butcher it and leave you all confused but it really got me thinking. Paul’s circumstances appeared pretty awful. He was arrested and constantly being denied his freedom. He traveled place to place pleading his case only to be turned down, over and over again.

I thought about Paul waiting on God. I thought about my own circumstances and my prayer to be patient and wait on God’s timing. Waiting isn’t my strength. My husband says I live my life as if it’s an emergency situation. Which is a bit dramatic but probably close to the truth. I’ve been praying and reminding myself that God is always on time and His timing is perfect.

I was feeling particularly discouraged one evening, while driving my son to basketball practice. Probably because I just passed a Whataburger and shamelessly fantasized about a monterey melt, delighting my deprived taste buds. But I digress. I was worshiping God and thanking Him for this trial and for the work I know He is doing in my life. And that’s when I started thinking about Paul again. Thinking about him waiting on God to deliver him. I thought about the people around him, who loved him, who were also waiting on God to free him.

That whole time that Paul was “waiting,” God was working. When I think of Paul waiting, I think of this stationary time. A time of nothingness, until somethingness (it’s not a word but felt right) But Paul was preaching to people he would never have the opportunity to preach to. He was sharing the gospel to people in the “security” of imprisonment. He made his way to Rome, glorifying God the whole way! There was never a time of nothingness. God was moving and shaking things. There was constant action and movement forward towards the goal!

This encourages me so much! I’m not really just waiting on God. I’ve got a front row seat to His awesome work in my life. It would be like going to a movie and during the main scene saying, “I’m just waiting for this part to end.”

God is at work! He is changing me to be more like Him. He’s working in lives around me and moving me forward towards my goal.

Thank you God for your work in my life.

P.S. I wouldn’t say no to your prayers! I’ll take prayers for healing or cheeseburgers… however you feel lead.

That’s My God Ya’ll

I’m struggling to find a time to sit and write a blog. So, I decided to take pieces from my book (Aka large pamphlet) and post them for now! Hopefully soon life will slow down and I’ll write something new!

I’m one hundred percent certain that God is hilarious. I can say this with such conviction because we are created in his image and there are people out there like Kevin James, Owen Wilson, Anjelah Johnson…These are incredibly funny people. If we are created in his image and he has made these funny people then he himself, is in fact, funny. I believe God to be Almighty, All Knowing, Just, Omnipresent…But the character of God that I find the most comfort in is, God is Funny.  Humor in my life is a must. I need to know that when life is kicking me and kicking me, God is like nudging me saying, “Look, Emilee, that llama has a dumb haircut.” He knows me and knows my needs, which is precisely why he created the miniature horse. I mean, c’mon, it’s a horse only small! So funny, right?

Now, I didn’t laugh my way through years of suffering. I didn’t take every challenge through illness and just giggled right past it. I cried a lot. I begged God for mercy often. I had moments where giving up and taking my own life felt justified. I’m weak and I’m human. I know that you’re thinking, “No, Emilee, you’re so amazing. I wish I could be just like you. You’re like, the best thing ever to hit the planet.” I get it, it’s confusing but I assure you, I have had some very ugly moments. I’ve been a big baby on some days and a real monster on other days. I’m ok with admitting this and laying it all out there for you because I trust in God. I trust that God has a plan for my life. I trust that God will avenge me if I get attacked for being transparent. I’m not here to paint a pretty little lie. I’m here for the ugly truth and the funny in between. Ezekiel 25:17 says, “I will execute great vengeance on them with wrathful rebukes. Then they will know that I am the Lord, when I lay my vengeance upon them.” I just peed a little. That is some scary stuff right there. I dare you to slam me now.

When I was first diagnosed with Lyme disease (Please note there is no ‘s’ on the end of Lyme) I freaked out a little but was also relieved. I finally had a real diagnosis. I could finally tell people what was happening to me. I could finally mentally slap all the doubters in the face. It was the best worst news ever. I immediately found a Lyme literate doctor and started my journey towards health, or at least the closest thing to it. I felt incredibly blessed that God had put certain people in my path. I was fortunate to have a husband fighting for me. He never questioned whether I might just be depressed. He never gave up on me. He fought for me when I had no fight. The day he said “I Do” was the best day of my life. While my parents were down front looking at Phillip saying, “Sucker! Good luck with that,” I was saying, “Thank you God for such a treasure.” I could go on and on about him but I’ll save that for later. I’m focusing on God right now, geez, stay focused.

God is my whole life. I would have died without him. I would have given up and quit. I trusted he would get me through any pain or suffering I felt that day. It’s actually a miracle that I was aware of God through all the kicking and screaming but I was. I knew, without a doubt, God would come through. He would give the strength I needed, when I needed it. Most often it was through laughter. He would show me something funny and we would laugh together and then move on together. When I say we would laugh together, I don’t mean I would hear an audible laugh from God. I mean I would laugh and just know God was laughing with me. Golly, I’m not crazy. Although, if you hear God audibly I don’t mean to judge, that’s cool. You might think about getting it checked still, but seriously, still cool.

Through the years there have been many dark days. The Lyme disease has caused my body to be in horrific pain. My whole body hurts all the way to the bone. Pain is a prison. You are stuck there and it keeps you in bed and isolated from the world. In these moments it was crucial that God provide. I was incredibly lonely. I hated being in bed away from my family and friends.

I love people. I am what they call a social butterfly. So, to be cooped up in a room was miserable for me. It seemed that every time it got just a little too hard or lonely I would get some stupid text from my BFF. God would use her to take the focus off my pain and circumstances. He would provide a situation for me to laugh or roll my eyes at her bizarreness. God used my best friend often to bring me “back to life.”

Life with Lyme, without God, seems impossible. My heart breaks knowing people are suffering from a chronic illness or a disease without knowing the love of the Lord. They go through this giant battle without seeing the hope that God can provide. This is tragic and just not ok.

The Bible says, “And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.” James 5:15. God would raise me up constantly, daily, hourly… What a gift I was given through such a hard time. God is the answer people, so quit being stubborn and give your life to him. I demand you believe in God!

I totally nailed that speech! I’m sure thousands just gave their lives to Jesus. Gold crown in heaven, check!

I’d Do Anything For Health, Well….. Maybe Not

Battling illness for many years means I’ve tried just about every treatment out there. Anything from what modern medicine has to offer, all the way to, “I saw this really crazy thing on a documentary once.”

As time goes on you somehow become less and less bashful and modest about things and more and more shameless and open.

Women who have experienced labor can probably relate. You walk into the hospital at 4 cm and in a bit of pain. You hide in the bathroom to get changed into your hospital gown. You take hold of the two sides to make sure your backside is covered and carefully slip into the bed, praying no one notices you forgot to shave your legs. After 10 hours (or for me, 20) all modesty is gone and you are now living like a hippie. Who cares if you haven’t shaved your legs in a month! “Oh I’m sorry did you see more of me than you wanted too? Get over it because I’m literally dying here.”

That’s what illness can do to you.

I was inspired to rewrite the words to the Meat Loaf song “I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Wont Do That)” awhile back because after so many different treatment options and try this’s and that’s, I found something I didn’t think I’d ever be able to give up. My husband, who is so awesome, agreed to sing it for me. Even though the words were a bit humiliating for someone who still has shame.

So, what is it I wasn’t willing to give up??? Can you relate???

I’ll write out the lyrics and the video is below!

I would do anything for health

I’ll crawl right through hell and back

I would do anything for health

I’ll never die of pain and that’s a fact

And I’ll never forget my first enema bag

Oh no, no way

I would do anything for health

But I wont do that, no, I wont do that

Some days it don’t come easy

And some days it don’t come hard

And some days it don’t come at all

And these are the days that’ll never end

And some nights I start to tremor

And some nights I binge watch shows

Some nights are like lying your head on the toilet bowl and puking some more

Maybe I’m crazy but it is eating at my brain

I know I can detox and sweat these toxins I contain

As long as parasites are dying, as long as bacteria is crying

As long as my legs are improving too, you better believe it

That I would do anything for health

I would do anything for health

Oh, I would do anything for health

But I wont do that, no, I wont do that

I would do anything for health

Depleting me of all my wealth

But I just wont do that (x2)

And some days I pray for bread

And some days I pray for tacos

Some days I just pray to God for no brain fog or temperature change

Maybe I’m herxing, I did just change my dose

I better go pee now, I cut it way too close

As long as the bowels are clogging

As long as the bones are aching

As long as the hair is falling too, you better believe it

That I would do anything for health

And you know it’s true and that’s what’s up

I would do anything for health

And there’d never be no flaring up

I’ll never get better if I can’t go poop for so long, so long

I would do anything for health

Oh, I would do anything for health

I would do anything for health

But I wont do that, no I wont do that

No, no, no, no

Girl: Will you raise yourself up, will you not get down

Will you do colonics when you start to drown

Will you be able to walk when it gets cold

Man: I can do that, yeah I can do that

Girl: Will you consider a hookworm when options are low

Will you let me spray you down with holy water, if you move too slow

Will you please stop telling everyone we know

Man: I can do that, yeah I can do that

Girl: I know it’s hard to not feel worthwhile

Your hair is a mess, your only hair style

Sooner or later you’ll be giving up coffee

Man: Psssshhh, I wont do that, no I wont do

Anything for health, but I wont do that

Being A Kid At The Grown Up Table

Sometimes I’m surrounded by all these grown up’s and think, “Wow, they are so wise. I hope when I grow up I have half their wisdom.” Then I get the harsh reality that I might be considered a grown up.

Is 37 a grown up???

I’ll have two teenagers next month. My oldest is taller than me. Making me feel even more like a child.

I struggle to feel qualified to share anything. The enemy has me right where he wants me. Scared, insecure and unqualified.

There’s this woman at my church who insists I use my God-given gifts!!! The nerve, right? She pushes me out of my comfort zone often and then tells me to knock it off when I’m filled with doubt. She sees something in me that I can’t see for myself. At times I’m convinced she’s crazy and other times I’m so grateful that God would put someone in my life who demands more out of me.

1 Timothy 4 says,

12 Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity. 13 Till I come, give attention to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine. 14 Do not neglect the gift that is in you, which was given to you by prophecy with the laying on of the hands of the eldership. 15 Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all. 16 Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you.

Okay, so maybe I’m going way too far with this whole “youth” thing because lets face it, 37 is practically 40 and the aching back and wrinkled eyes paint a different picture. But these verses still pierce my heart. “Do not neglect the gift that is in you…” I so want to neglect my gifts. I want to hide where I’m safe from ridicule. I want to stay in the safety of feeling like I’m soooo young and have plenty of time to share my amazing insights and lessons. But God is asking me to “give myself entirely to them, that my progress may be evident to all.”

So scary, right? But there’s good news! I can be unqualified and still obey because Christ is qualified and His Spirit resides in me. hallelujah!

I pray you all have someone in your life, who you try to avoid, so they won’t ask you out of your comfort zone.

God has great use for you and I am thankful for that.

 

 

Everyone Needs A Little Weirdo

In 2011 we had three kids and completely done forming our little family. God had a very different plan for us and miraculously put a bun in the oven. Shamefully, I was devastated. The youngest was 4 and I was SO done having babies. Now, in my defense I had very rough pregnancies and my labors were pretty awful too. Plus, I was very sick and we didn’t yet know why. So we were scared that this mystery illness was going to kill me or the baby or maybe even both. But God, in all His hilarity, thought it was the perfect time to bring in a child.

Her pregnancy was as awful as suspected. I only left my bed to go to the bathroom. My husband had to help bathe me because the pain and weakness was so severe I couldn’t manage on my own. It was incredibly hard but definitely brought me closer to God!

Her birth was super dramatic, which now seeing her personality is of no surprise. This kid is a total weirdo!

She understood humor at, what I thought, was a very early age. She would laugh at jokes in movies way before the others did. She was witty and sarcastic the moment she started to speak.

One time when she was around 6 months we were driving in the van and our older daughter was in the far back seat. The baby was directly in front of her and facing her in the car seat. Well, the older girl (5 years) ended up getting sick and started projectile vomiting all over the van. Ewwwww! Well, our precious little weirdo starts belly laughing! She thinks it’s absolutely hysterical.

She is now 7 years old and still is just as witty. She says stuff all the time that just crack us up. She has these great facial expressions to go along with all her drama and wit. She also makes up words that we all end up using as if it’s now in good ol’ Webster.

Examples…..

Argusation– (noun) A word used to refer to someone who is having an argument conversation with another person.

Weeganwhile– (noun)  A small cart with a single wheel at the front and two supporting legs and two handles at the rear. (you may know it as a wheelbarrow)

Glamsation– (noun) A statement that is fancier then an ordinary explanation.

Hesicoat–  (noun) An optical instrument designed to make distant objects appear nearer.

Asktren– (verb) The process of asking a question.

She’s also a bit on the sassy side. Which I understand I should get under control immediately but it’s so hard when the things that come out of her mouth are so funny and she is after all the baby of the family. Don’t judge me!

Examples of sarcasm and sass…..

She tells her brother she is hungry. He says, “No you’re not.” She says, “(brother!) You literally don’t know my life!”

At age three she receives a gift from our very best friends. It’s a shirt from the place they had just visited. All the kids got one and were happy and grateful.  All the kids are reading the shirt and telling me what it says. She chimes in and says, “this shirt says, ‘This shirt is lame.” Thank God the friends weren’t around at this point!

One night I’m cooking dinner and she sees its chicken and decides she wont like it. She tells me that the doctor says she can’t have it because she’s allergic to it. She was three years old!!!

She wasn’t in our plans but in God’s and I’m so thankful. He knows better. She came into our lives when we were slowly watching me die. We were scared, depressed and lost. God looked at us and thought, this family needs a little weirdo. She was the exact thing we needed at that time. She brought life back into our home. God is merciful and will provide in our darkest hour. Sometimes what He is providing looks impossible. Sometimes it even looks like the very thing that will kill you. But He promises “those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:30)

I will leave you with my baby girls wisest statement to date….

People shouldn’t call themselves dumb, unless their dumb. Then they should call themselves dumb.